Sunday, June 17, 2007

Important Lessons

This afternoon, mum took STINKY and I to the UBC Rugby field.


It was a perfect day,


Since there were tennis courts right behind the rugby field, I knew there would be tennis balls. Sure enough, I found two, one for me, one for STINKY.


I LOVE tennis balls, or anything made of the tennis material.


Mum says it's bad for my teeth to chew on tennis balls because the fiber grinds my teeth down.


But I tell her, life is too short to dwell on little things like this, or constantly being worried. (mum: easy for you to say..)

Life is good - ME and MY tennis ball


Mum brought out MY frisbee, even tho I never played with it, and STINKY really likes it, it's still technically mine. So I took it.


However, I got bored, so I left the frisbee unattended. Well, STINKY saw it, and took it. So I wanted it back. (mum: perfectly logical to a terrier!)


I went up to STINKY and wagged my tail nicely.


You see, I would never just take anything away from a dog if the object/food is already in the possession of the dog. I expect dogs to be polite with me, so I have to do the same in return. Instead, I go ask politely with my tail wagging (mum: it's called sucking up). This works 80% of the time because most dogs get distracted or think I want to play, and they just drop whatever they have. Well BIG MISTAKE on their part, because once I get it, it's MINE, I'll guuuuuuuuuard it, don't even think about getting it back!!

STINKY did get distracted and started land shark biting. I was gonna take MY frisbee until I smelled it...... that was the end of it.

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Anyway, things were kind of getting boring, so I decided not to waste anymore time and do something productive.

Now for all you young pups out there, pay special attention to the following lessons, because once you have memorized, and mastered them all, you will never fail in life.

Miss Sunshade's 25 Important Life Lessons


Lesson 1
- USE YOUR NOSE & LOCATE THE "SOURCE"




Lesson 2
- MAKE SURE NOBODY'S WATCHING YOU




Lesson 3
- BE FIT, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'D NEED TO CLIMB ONTO A BENCH




Lesson 4
- CHECK THE RIGHT SIDE FOR AN OPENING




Lesson 5 - CHECK THE LEFT SIDE FOR AN OPENING



Lesson 6 - USE YOUR BRAIN (and mouth)



Lesson 7 - THINGS ARE ALWAYS EASIER AT GROUND LEVEL



Lesson 8 - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, MAGIC DOES HAPPEN (see, the bag magically reappeared on top of the bench with zipper opened)



Lesson 9 - BE GENTLE WITH YOUR MOUTH (do try not to get your leg caught in case you need to make easy get aways)



Lesson 10 - REMOVE ANY OBSTRUCTION IN THE WAY OF THE "SOURCE"



Lesson 11 - LEAVE THE USELESS BEHIND



Lesson 12 - MAKE SURE ALL OBSTRUCTIONS ARE REMOVED



Lesson 13 - IF SOMEPUP ELSE WANTS IT, IT MUST BE GOOD, GUARD IT



Lesson 14 - FIND THE "SOURCE", AND TAKE OFF WITH IT (because you need the calories)



Lesson 15 - NO MATTER WHAT, DON'T LET ANYPUP GET IT FROM YOU (because you don't want to starve)



Lesson 16 - REMEMBER, YOU CAN STILL SOUND CONVINCING EVEN WITH YOUR MOUTH STUFFED



(mum: Sunshade is very food possessive around dogs. She lets me take anything from her without making a sound, but if you're a dog, WATCH OUT! She was worried Jaffa would get her treats at the end when I took the bag from her.)

Lesson 17 - NEVER WASTE FOOD; CLEAN UP UNTIL EVERY LAST CRUMB IS GONE



Lesson 18 - BE ABLE TO RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN



Lesson 19 - BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE YOUR "SOURCE" WAS FOUND



Lesson 20 - MAKE SURE YOU DIDN'T MISS ANYTHING



Lesson 21 - IF YOU DID, REPEAT Lessons 14-17



Lesson 22 - KEEP TRACK OF YOUR CALORIE INTAKE



Lesson 23 - EXERCISE ACCORDINGLY



Lesson 24 - SO YOU WON'T LOOK OUT OF SHAPE OR OVER WEIGHT



Lesson 25 - YOU WILL LOOK FIT AND IN SHAPE


(mum: there is a reason why an almost 24" withered "female" Airedale can weigh 72 lbs.... She really needs to lose 10 lbs, and it's hard with her exercise restriction due to strained muscles.)

HEY! I'm HUGE BONED okay?? ... and it's 71.8 lbs thank you very much!

8 comments:

Snowball said...

Hi Sunshade,
I think the best way to get better food is to turn them down all the time and trust me, your mummy will get worried and fed you more...

I should get my jie jie to look at your blog. You are 71.8lbs and I am only 11 pounds and yet she wanted me to shed at least 1 pound... she is not being reasonable.

Luv,
Snowball

Oscar Airedale said...

My mum worries about the tennis ball/teeth thing too, that's why she likes the Kong stuff as it is special fibre that doesn't wear our teethies down.

I have read and retaied your lessons oh wise one. if I can eat and eat until I get to 71.8 lbs I'll be a happy boy!

Licks
Oscar x

Peanut said...

I have learned a lot today with your 25 lessons. thank you so much oh wise one.

Super Boy & Baby-Licious said...

That 25 lessons in life is really useful. We really like your lessons in life.

Love
Boy n Baby

Luckie Girl said...

I have taken notes of those lessons in life and hopefully, I can put them to good use one day.
PS : I believe you...you are not FAT. Just big boned and chesty like me.

jaffeboy said...

Good tips Sunshade. I think I'll master 2 at a time. I sould be pro in less than 2 weeks eh?!

Anonymous said...

I loved the chase scene.

It shows so much how you are older and wiser than stinky......

you can out corner him, spin on a dime and do all the magnificent Airedale moves.......

while stinky has to run 3 times as much as you, because he just doesn't get it yet...how funny.

You are the best....maybe someday when he is a lot older he will figure out the moves that only a super smart thinking Airedale can do!! No other breed comes even close!

Barbara ( I will soon be back to painting you both).

Stanley said...

You are such a FOOD WHORE, Sunshade!!!

But, you are also Yoda to Jaffa's Luke Skywalker (totally clueless as a Jedi - couldn't have made it without Yoda's sage advice and training).

Of course, while Yoda is mildly cute in a "he's so ugly he's cute" kind of way, you are a blindingly bootiful canine princess! Jaffa is lucky to have you around (so is your mum - her life would be soooo DULL without you).

Goob love,
Stanley

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